Are you in a relationship with someone who knows how to make an AMAZING first impression?
But then, everything seemed to change. (Or you started to see character qualities that you didn’t see before).
When you first met, they seemed so nice! They were fun, conversational, and even seemed generous and compassionate!
Then something changed. You started to see a side of them that you didn’t like.
Their good qualities seemed to turn to self-obsession – no longer caring about what you thought or felt.
Now, you are wondering what happened and how they changed so much? Is there something wrong with you?
Below are 11 signs that you are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic character qualities.
Side Note: Narcissistic Personality Disorder has to be diagnosed by a mental health specialist. However, a person can have destructive narcissistic traits without being a full-blown narcissist.
1.) They Only Want To Talk About Themselves
When you talk to most people, the conversation is a two-way street. You each share your experiences and opinions.
With a narcissist, this never happens.
If you start talking about yourself, the conversation will quickly get turned back to focusing on them. The narcissist always feels like they need to be center of attention – even with you.
Their conversation is full of the words “I”, “my”, and “me”!
When someone changes the conversation, the narcissist is quick to interrupt (even mid-sentence), so they can turn the attention back onto themselves.
If someone talks about a great achievement, the narcissist has always done something even better. If someone is grieving the loss of something that was meaningful to them, the narcissist knows exactly what they feel like because they have been through the exact same thing – except worse.
When you are talking to them about your day, do you notice that they become impatient or restless? This is because they are not interested one bit! They are actually annoyed by your desire to have a two-way conversation.
The problem is, sooner than later, everyone begins to realize that the narcissist is completely self-absorbed. People slowly start to distance themselves, leaving the narcissist on their own golden pederast with no-one to admire them.
2.) They Are Skilled Manipulators
Do you constantly feel guilty or inadequate?
The narcissist is a skilled manipulator, who uses guilt to hijack your emotions.
If you disagree with them, they will turn the situation around on you and make you feel remorseful for something that was never your fault in the first place!
This tactic is called “gas-lighting” – something narcissists are known for.
Gas-lighting is “a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in the minds of victim, making hem question their own memory, perception, and sanity.”
This is a tactic that comes very easily to the narcissist. They can come up with a manipulative lie in a split second and feel completely unremorseful.
You will see them use this tactic on their family, friends, and anyone else who is close to them.
Their goal is to do whatever it takes to hide their inadequacies and make themselves look like a victim or a hero – whichever roll suits their needs.
Related Article: 9 Emotional Abuse Tactics to Watch out For
3.) They Need to Control Everything
Narcissists feel the need to control the perceptions of everyone around them.
One of their best-known tactics is the “He said/She said” game.
“You may think that Sarah is a true friend, but you should hear what she said about you.”
“Well, did you hear what Mike told your brother about your new job?”
If the narcissist doesn’t like someone, they will spread rumors and divide friendships. This way, they can look like the “hero” who saved you from a damaging relationship.
This tactic helps create “sidekicks” who become their informers and help spread their rumors and feed them with juicy gossip.
In your relationship, they slowly but surely conduct a “takeover”.
If they don’t like your friends, they will insist that you lose them. If they don’t like your driving, they will insist that you always sit in the passenger seat. They may even insinuate that they don’t trust you, so they need to constantly have access to your social media accounts and electronic devices.
They want to be in control, so they demand that you allow them to have that “right”.
To you, this may sound like a well-designed plan. Something that takes the narcissist a lot of time to construct.
However, this entitled, controlling, manipulative behavior is what they are good at!
4.) They Are Entitled and Don’t Mind Taking Advantage of Others
If the narcissist wants something, they will get what they want – even if they have to take advantage of someone!
They justify this entitled behavior because they feel that they “deserve” it and have earned it.
In a relationship, the narcissist may complain about their responsibilities and how they deserve so much better. If they are given additional responsibilities, they will try to pawn it off on someone who “should” have been given the responsibility in the first place.
If the narcissist is extremely cheap/overly frugal, they may be known for their excessive bargaining skills – to the point where they will cheat, harass, or manipulate their way to the lowest price possible.
They are known for always complaining about never receiving enough money, support, promotions, love, and attention.
Their selfishness is displayed by their ability to take advantage of those closest to them – their parents, partner, children, etc
As their partner, you will be able to identify all the areas that they readily take advantage of others.
5.) They Like To Make Everything Look Perfect
Look out, social media! The narcissist is going to post about their perfect life – even if it is the opposite.
Perhaps they are obsessed with taking the perfect photo or posting about their amazing lifestyle.
As their partner, you have to fit in with their plan! You are a part of their self-image and you need to be 100% onboard with helping them project perfection!
The narcissist often insists that you act a certain way because they do not see you as your own person. They see you as an extension of themselves – the person they have chosen to represent them as their romantic interest.
6.) …or they make themselves look like the unfortunate victim
If the narcissist gets caught in their own web of lies and manipulation, they are quick to make themselves look like the victim!
If the narcissist feels like people are distancing themselves or moving on with their lives, they will project an image of disappointment, grief, and pain.
Their social media page will turn into a self-inflicted pity party, where they will tell the world about the pain they are going through.
And whose fault is it? Never their own! Blame will always be put on their “selfish” partner, family, or friends.
The narcissist wants everyone to know that their perfect life has been hijacked, despite their constant selflessness, generosity, and love.
Related Article: 9 Signs He is Trying to Change You
7.) They Constantly Overstep Boundaries
Boundaries? What are those?
Because of their self-entitled disposition, the narcissist believes that they deserve to have access to everything – what you are thinking and what you are doing.
Without any remorse, they will ask you the most personal questions about yourself – even before they know you very well.
What is your salary? Do you have an interesting past? Do you have any secrets? What are your insecurities?
You may think that they are actually interested in you, for once in your relationship! But they are actually only asking questions and listening to you, so they can gain information about you.
To narcissists, knowledge is power. They don’t find out details about you, so that they can keep them secret or help you out.
They want to know all the nitty-gritty details, so that they can have “dirt” on you. This information will be used against you if you ever decide to cross them or distance yourself from them.
If you insist on not letting them into a part of your life or decline to answer their question, they will act insulted.
If you set up a boundary in your life and ask them not to cross it, they most certainly will cross it – just to show you that they can!
The narcissist will go to any length to figure out information about you – whether that takes pouting, demanding, constant persistence, mockery, or ignoring.
8.) Nothing is Ever Their Fault
“It isn’t my fault! It is your fault!”
If you confront a narcissist with an issue (big or small), they will always point fingers and shift responsibility onto someone else.
They will act incredibly insulted and may project anger and rage!
“How dare you think that way!”
Once again, you must realize that they only care about themselves. If you have a complaint about them, that means that you are trying to destroy their perfect self-image.
Immediately, they will victimize themselves, pointing out how you are ganging up on them.
Perhaps they will blame their actions on a recent life event or a health problem. Blame can never be put on them!
Why is this? Because they are incredibly insecure.
Behind their self-righteous, confident mask lies a fragile self-esteem that is 100% opposed to any form of criticism.
Nothing can change this! No amount of loving words, kindness, or sincere concern will help the narcissist see their own inadequacy.
9.) They are Envious of Others
The narcissist cannot accept that anyone is better than themselves.
In their own heads, they are always comparing themselves to others. If someone upstages them, they become incredibly jealous.
It is difficult for them to celebrate someone else’s successes and accomplishments because they are already looking for a way to one-up them!
If someone close to them (perhaps a child or a family member) accomplishes something great, they will often take responsibility for the achievement.
“I taught them everything they know!”
“They got their skills from me! If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t have accomplished this.”
If they aren’t the center of attention, they believe that they are not receiving the recognition that they DESERVE.
They will either sulk in a corner, take responsibility for the accomplishment, or leave in a cloud of envy.
10.) They Love To Give Unsolicited Advice
Even if you didn’t ask for it, the narcissist will always give you their opinion!
Because, naturally, their opinion is the most important piece of information you could ever be given.
They will always know how to solve your problems and improve personal areas of your life.
They are quick to insult your life choices and impose on you their plan for your life.
As stated before, they believe that their opinion is valuable – and they have an opinion about EVERYTHING! Hence, they tend to give a lot of unsolicited advice.
11.) They Twist your Words
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will often find yourself saying or thinking, “I never said that!”
When you have a disagreement, the narcissist will twist your words to make you second-guess yourself or look like the person who is selfish.
They will insist that they are correct, like your opinion doesn’t even matter.
If you insist that you are correct, they will give you the silent treatment, become incredibly insulting, or launch a smear campaign against you – also known as “character assassination”.
This is when the narcissist starts spreading false rumors about you, telling others things that you said about them and twisted facts about you.
This way, they will turn people against you, making you feel alienated and (hopefully) remorseful for your decision to cross them.
You are not your own person, with your own set of opinions. You are an extension of the person you are in a relationship with.
If you want your relationship to remain “peaceful”, everything has to go the narcissists way. Your role in the relationship is to agree with them, smile, and wave!
- 7 Things Confident Women Do Differently In Relationships
- 9 Emotional Abuse Tactics to Watch out For
- 7 Signs You’re Not With Your Soulmate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder has to be diagnosed by a mental health specialist.
Even if you know someone that seems to check all the boxes of NPD, you should never self-diagnose this mental illness.
A person can have destructive, self-centered narcissistic traits without being a full-blown narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic character traits, you must get relationship counselling/therapy.
Otherwise, you are in for a lifetime of pain and guilt.
If you are not with someone who can love and support you the way you deserve, they may not be the right person for you. <3